DIVORCE AND ITS ROOTS

DIVORCE.

It is only a seven-letter word, but it remains very controversial. It is the legal ending of a marriage in some countries such as Western countries.

There are various and complicated reasons for divorce. But these reasons are particular to each couple – to their marital relationship, experiences, as well as problems.

People have this notion of ‘falling in love’. They would also ask themselves, ‘Is there such thing as falling out of love?’ Probably, some people say that falling out of love means that there is no love between two people. There are times that a person would think that, ‘Oh, I no longer love him.’ or ‘My love for her is already gone.’ On the other hand, some people do not believe in the notion of ‘falling out of love’. In their view, they consider that a person was just attracted to the physical features of the person. Or there is just a sense of belongingness at first, but that feeling or sense vanishes later. People say that there is no such thing as falling out of love. They consider that people just used to feel the love and belongingness from another person, which they no longer feel later in their relationship. This entails that there are some essential factors to keep the relationship stable that are presently lacking or absent. If these factors are lacking or absent, then the relationship would be struggling and therefore, it needs resuscitation.

Before marriage, it is important that the couple is ready in terms of legal readiness, emotional readiness, and financial readiness. They should be in the right age to marry. They should be emotionally prepared for their married life for they would be building up their new family, thus, they would be living separately with their parents. And also, it is better if the couple is financially stable. Being financially stable allows the couple to provide adequate needs for their family. In addition, if the couple has a satisfactory financial status, it is not likely for them to face financial crisis. There would be no financial problems arising in the future. However, some people do not consider this financial stability as a factor in marriage. Some people just get married, without thinking for their future. They tend to think only about the present and there is a sense of neglect where they do not foresee the possibilities that may happen in the future. Probably, this is considered as a reason why some families face financial problems at present. It is because they are not ready and they are not stable financially. In relation to divorce, some people cannot withstand the financial crisis that they experience. They might be used to live a wealthy life when they are not yet married. They want to escape from their financial problems that they leave their partners. Other people may possibly commit adultery because they want to experience a wealthy living. It is recommended that couples under financial crisis should discuss possible ways to increase their living. They can discuss about establishing their family business. They can also seek advice from their friends and family on how they can solve their problems.

There are cases that people separate from each other because of cultural differences. It includes the religious beliefs and lifestyle differences. Because the couple has different religious views, they find it hard to relate to each other. There are times that they might have contrasting views. In addition, lifestyle differences affect the relationship of a couple. If one is organized and very systematic, while the partner is messy and has no eagerness to plan for the future, then it would also be hard for them to live together. However, if they learn understand that everyone is unique, then they should try to find ways in order for them to adapt to the exceptionality of each other. Moreover, they should gain respect to each other because respect is an element that makes a relationship stable. If there is no respect between couples, then it is likely for them to have fights or quarrels.

Some people leave their partners if the partner has mental instability of mental illness. Some people want their partner to be intellectually and mentally healthy so as to establish and run a productive life. But for some people, having a partner who is mentally ill is very difficult to the other party. It adds pressure because you have to take care of your partner physically, emotionally, mentally. It is draining to them. It is hard because you they to adapt to the abnormality of their partner. Some leave their mentally ill partners due to the social stigma that their partner gets in the society. People with mental disorder or mental tendencies have very poor social life. They have very low socialization because of their qualities. So it is probable that the partners of these mentally ill people are not proud of them and they want to have themselves apart from that social stigma. But in some cases, some people accept their partners for who they are. They have their own strategic and adaptive ways to cope with the status that their have. It is the concern that they have for their partner. They are eager to provide care as well as support to their partner. This support is the element that binds them together and makes them surpass the social dilemmas that they face.

Some people separate because of immaturity or interference from parents. There are circumstances wherein one of the couple is not able to function productively without the help of their parents. They are not able to live a life of their own. They tend to seek help, especially financially from their parents. There are also some cases where in the parents or the in-laws do not want the partner for their child. It may adversely affect their relationship as a couple. However, if the couple would understand each other, they could help each other by identifying their weaknesses and by using their strengths to overcome their weakness. This way, they will be able to live their life more productively, with less help from other people.

For some people, the personality of their partners really matters. They want disciplined partners, no vices, and no criminal records. Sometimes, destiny becomes tricky. Some people introduce themselves as people with tender loving care. They tend to mask themselves with good qualities. They hide their real color until the wedding day. But then, months after the marriage, some problems arise. These problems are often related to the qualities of their partners. Some problems, especially to those with low socio-economic status, are related to the vices of their spouse like smoking and drinking. The partner will just smoke and drink everyday. Even some, would take illegal drugs. These factors often lead to physical violence to the wife and to the children. Because of that developing miserable life, some women take their children and decide to leave their husbands.

There are cases, especially for men, wherein they leave their spouses because the spouse cannot conceive their child. For some men and women, it is important to them to have their own child. For them, they feel satisfied when they see their own kids playing around and mature as an adult. Other people do not prefer to adopt kids. Because their spouse is not able to produce a child, they tend to leave them and look for other people in the world who are capable of giving them an offspring. However, some people consider the other qualities of their partners. For some, they are not after to having a child, but they are madly after their partners. Some people do not mind if their partner is infertile or sterile, but what is important is that they live happily throughout their lives. Other people consider adopting children if they are not able to have their own. For them, it is the happiness that is important within the family. As long as they are happy, then they have no problems with that.

Some people wanted divorce due to lack of commitment to the marriage. If two people just got married but they do not really love each other, would live an unhappy life in the future. An example of this point is when two people just get married because of unexpected pregnancy. They had their child but they do not truly love each other. It just means that they have to marry each other because of their responsibility for their child, but NOT their love and commitment for each other. However, the aforementioned example is not applied to all cases but only to some cases. Another instance is the prioritization of people. Some people tend to focus much on their career or personal growth. As a result, they spend less time to their families because they are already pre-occupied of their work. Furthermore, their partners would feel that they are no longer loved because of that lack of attention. In response, couples should consider that the presence of time and communication is also very significant in a relationship.

One of the major causes of divorce is infidelity. Some people have an affair to other people maybe because their partners cannot give their needs like luxury or sexual needs. Most people tend to find love and belongingness from other people when feel that they are not loved by their partners because of work, lack of communication, and mistrust. These things may result to a big problem, which is the absence of faith or loyalty to their partners. Technology today is on the rise and it allows people to meet other people around the world through the phone and internet. The internet is the most utilized tool to meet new people. There are sites in the internet that serves as a tool if one would like to search for a man or a woman. In addition, there are some websites that allow people to chat. That way, affairs can develop and that leads to infidelity. As soon as the other party discovers the unfaithfulness of his or her partner, he or she decides to leave the partner. Some people also look for new people where they can find love and belongingness.

Problems arise because of lack of communication. Communication is the exchange of ideas between two people. Lack of communication builds a gap between partners. A marriage will also fail when the lines of communication are absent. It is important for the couple to discuss their feelings and concerns to each other. They should address the problem to their partners. This way, they will be able to discuss together possible plans in order to resolve the issues. In addition, constant communication is very vital to couples because it keeps them in touch and it gives them updates to their everyday life. For instance, if the husband needs to work abroad to earn an income for his family, then there should be a constant communication between him and his family in order for them to stay updated about their lives. They can use the telephone, the letter, and the internet in order to keep in touch with each other. Moreover, “No man is an island”. Of course, people are social beings. People are not plants or rocks, which cannot speak. People have brains, mouth, and vocal cords that enable them to speak. People tend to talk to other people. This entails that couples, whether they are together or apart, there should be a constant communication between them. It bonds them together as one by keeping the heat on between them. There would be no gap between couples if there is constant communication. It also fills up the social needs of people.

Above all, divorce is prevented if certain elements are present to bind the couple or the family together. First, there should be RESPECT. It is the recognition and appreciation of the uniqueness of each other, physically, mentally, socially, intellectually, spiritually, and culturally. The couple should accept the individuality of each other. Second, TRUST should be present. The couple should give their trust to each other. In addition, they should not break that trust because trust is like a glass, which is very hard to fix when it is already damaged. Next is COMMUNICATION. It is the exchange of ideas that enhance the harmony and mutuality of the relationship. It keeps the fire blazing and it adds spice to the married life. It avoids the gaps from building up. It is like a hot blaze that melts the freezing ice. Another vital factor is COMMITMENT. Commitment is a pillar or foundation of a strong mutual loving relationship among couples. Commitment, along with unconditional love, gives life and eternity to couples. You should be committed to your husband or wife and you should be sure that you love him or her. But then, the word commitment is not simple. This entails that you have the responsibility for your partner. You should work together as one in order to overcome any trials on your relationship. And lastly, then answer to all the problems is LOVE. Without love, we are nothing. If you love each other, you would do anything for you to stay together till the end of you lives, in sickness and in wealth, in life and in death.

Respect, Trust, Communication, Commitment, and Love are the elements that work in harmony towards a successful loving relationship. They play a role in maintaining the bond that joins the hearts of two people who love each other. If one of them would be lacking, then the bond would be disintegrated, thus, it allows external negative forces to further destroy that bond. To prevent divorce, couples should consider those elements in order for them to be happy for the rest of their lives.