Throughout my educational experience, writing has never been one of my strong points. I have also found difficulty in to discussing my shortcomings with strangers. For the sake of furthering my education, I will attempt to push these difficulties to the side and live up to my potential as a successful college student and a young mother of two. Allow me to take you through my journey. In the summer of 2004, I was accepted into a “Groups Program” at Indiana University. I was thrilled to be going to college. All of my family was ecstatic as well since I was the first member of the family to attend.
The “Groups Program” was a program of about 300 minority students from all over the state of Indiana who were guaranteed all four years of college to be paid for if we completed six weeks of classes on campus before the fall semester began. Six weeks? This should be a breeze especially since my best friend, Coyalett, was accepted as well. We would also be rooming together. The problem with that was we had too much fun. We did exactly what we did in Anderson (marijuana), and we were kicked out in two weeks. Dang! So much for making the family proud. Back to Anderson it was, and I was really bummed out.
Here I was, a few weeks out of High School, and I already messed up my shot at going to college. I didn’t give up though. I applied to IU on my own, and I could not believe they accepted me to come back in the fall. I felt that I was experiencing some sort of miracle, or it could have been the fact that I graduated high school with a 3. 8. Either way I was excited to have a second chance at obtaining a college degree. My best friend was not so lucky. I believe she ended up doing some schooling via the Internet. Oh well, I was on my way to a better future and nothing or no one was going to stop me.
Boy, was I wrong. When I went back to Bloomington, I met another freshman named Heather. We really hit it off. She was extremely nice, and we had a few things in common. She was from Muncie (which is not too far from me), we liked the same music, we had the same style, and we liked to smoke weed. We were together every day. Heather did not mind doing it all day long. Since the opportunity to smoke was always there, I did it too. My grades began to slip dramatically. School work and marijuana just does not mix. The times that I did show up to class, I probably was stoned.
Drugs and school are a really bad combination, and I had a very hard time juggling the two. Still, I was not going to give up. I’m not really a give-up type of girl. The only problem with that is I didn’t want to give up either of the two. So I made it through the first semester without getting busted or giving up. My GPA was about a 1. 2, and I was placed on academic probation. I stuck around because I was not ready to go home yet. I was having too much fun, and I wanted to finish my education. The spring semester began alright. I was smart enough to begin my first class at one o’clock in the afternoon.
Therefore, I was attending classes more. Only now I had a problem with driving home every weekend to see my boyfriend. This took time away from studying and also cost me a lot of gas money and about $1000 in speeding tickets. During that time, I felt my family and boyfriend were worth all of that. I got my GPA up to about a 2. 5, and in May, I was ready to go home for summer vacation. I did not know that I was a couple weeks pregnant! I found that out about a week or two of being at home. I was disgusted with myself. It took me a few months to actually get excited at the thought of having a baby.
I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend during the summer. He was extremely jealous and abusive, and I just had enough. I definitely did not want to raise my son around him. I went back to IU that fall almost five months pregnant, and I remember being ashamed. I wore really big clothes, and I was depressed and afraid. I hated being so far away from home being pregnant and alone. Yet, I still did not want to give up. Especially since I had a huge responsibility coming in a few more months. So I attended all my classes, and I studied more than I did the previous year. It helped that I was not doing drugs anymore, too.
I would never do that to my child. So besides feeling so alone, I was doing alright as far as my school work went. Until a day in October when I was rushed to the ER in Bloomington. I had actually just gotten back to Bloomington from a trip home to see my family when I decided to go to Starbucks and get ready to work all night on school work. For no reason at all, I blacked out in the line at Starbucks and hit my head on a counter. I do not remember much but the feeling of people swarming over me and voices that sounded a million miles away. The ride to the emergency room was bumpy, and I was terrified.
I have never ridden in an ambulance before under any circumstance, and I had no idea what was going on. All I could think about was my unborn child. Was he alright? Did I hurt him in any way when I fell? Is he going to live? When I arrived at the hospital, I never felt so alone in my life. I wanted my mommy. And out of nowhere, a little Japanese lady entered my room and held my hand. She would have to do. She stayed with me the whole time, and I had never seen her a day in my life. She was a friend of a friend of my mother’s. I really did not care at that point. I was just so happy to have someone there by my side.
The doctors checked on my baby and ran a few test and released me early the next morning. My child was alright. The doctors had discovered that my iron was really low, and that’s what caused the blackout. The thought of the scariest day of my life repeating itself again was enough to send me packing and on my way back to Anderson. So I got plenty of rest until I delivered my baby on January 11th, 2006. This was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I had a 6lb 9oz Golden Child, and I was the proudest person alive. Motherhood was nice. I had a job at Wendy’s, and I had my own apartment.
I was so busy being a mom that I sort of forgotten about my education. Well, it was put on the back burner of my mind. A day after my son’s first birthday, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Wow, two kids and I’m still working the drive-thru at Wendy’s. I was devastated until August 25th, 2007. That’s when I became a mother to the most beautiful baby girl I’d ever rested my eyes upon. I was so proud to be a mother to these two children. Although I was proud, I was extremely busy now. I ended up getting fired from Wendy’s after being there for more than two years.
I tried almost everywhere to get a job, and I did not have any luck. After a couple months of this, I decided to get certified as a nursing assistant. I always wanted to be a nurse to begin with, and I figured I could start there and work my way up. I also knew that I would not have a problem finding a job once I was certified. I worked really hard during my training, and I passed the class with a 98%. I was proud of myself and amazed that I got back in the rhythm of being a student. I wanted more. I wanted more for my children. Two days after I passed the state test, I began working at a nursing home. I love what I do.
I started there in 2008, and I’m still with them today. I’m actually passionate about what I do. The feeling is amazing. After seeing how I could perform in a school setting, I knew I could do it again. After each day of looking in my children’s eyes, I knew I had to do it again. I want a better future for those two. I want a better future for me. I want them to be as proud of me as I am of them. I now understand that the only way to achieve this is by furthering my education. So this is what it feels like to grow up. It took two children to help me realize this, and I wouldn’t trade them in for ten worlds.
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